


Why Didn't You Tell Me

by proudtobealuthor



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Lena Luthor Finds Out Kara Danvers is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Pre-Relationship, SuperCorp, have some tears, i enjoy hurting people, i hope you cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 00:45:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18906040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/proudtobealuthor/pseuds/proudtobealuthor
Summary: Rewrite of the end of 4x22This is what was going through Lena's head after the reveal and how she dealt with those feelings as well as how she felt about killing her brother.ORLena finds out Kara is Supergirl after killing her brother and it leads to a downward spiral of self hatred and feelings of betrayal.





	Why Didn't You Tell Me

**Author's Note:**

> I may or may not have rewatched the reveal and then this happened so yee fucking haw. Enjoy lads and I hope you drown in tears.  
> Also this was beta’d by the wonderful sxperluthxr on Instagram so if there are still mistakes that’s why cuz girl can barely type a sentence

“Kara Danvers is Supergirl.”

That one sentence had brought down Lena’s entire world. Every memory with the blonde was running through her mind at light speed as that one sentence echoed in her ear. She barely even noticed the light in her brother’s eyes go out.

She took a deep sobbing breath before crumpling to the ground, she sat there frozen as tears streamed down her cheeks.

How could Kara do this to her? How could the person she trusted most in this world betray her in such a way?

Lena had been hurt so much in her life, but nothing had ever utterly destroyed her the way this revelation had.

All the clues were there, pointing her to the truth. She had just been too blind, _too in love_ to see it. 

_ “I flew here...on a bus.” _

_ “I was having lunch with Kara Danvers.” _

_ “Kara Danvers believes in you.” _

How could she have been so stupid, so oblivious? It all made sense now: the awkward pauses, Supergirl so desperately trying to make peace with the Luthor, Kara’s desire to protect her. 

Lena sat in the floor, frozen _ ,  _ burying her face into her knees as she let out heartbroken sobs. She hadn’t cried like this since she was a child, since her birth mother had died and she was whisked away to a horrible family. 

This betrayal was worse than her mother’s death, but she didn’t understand why. How could this be worse than the death of the one person who had truly loved and cared for her. At least until Kara came along, but even that was a lie.

Kara Danvers never cared about her. 

Kara Danvers knew how much Lena hated lies, yet she had lied to her for three years. No one who truly cared about her would have done that.

She sat there for an immeasurable amount of time _ , _ drowning in her sorrow before she finally stood on shaky legs.

What was she supposed to do now? How was she supposed to go about her day with this knowledge? Lena had no idea how to cope with this. The desire to fill up a glass, brimming to the top with her strongest whiskey was prevalent, the Luthor never was good when it came to coping skills. 

She sniffled and wiped her eyes before finally looking up at her brother, whose skin had gone gray in death.

She couldn’t believe it. She had actually killed someone. Her mind flashed black to a conversation she had had with Kara that seemed to have happened decades ago.

_“You wanna know the real reason_ _I’m not a killer? I have something Lex didn’t, I have_ _friends. I have you.”_

Well, turns out, she never _really_ had any friends either, and now she was a killer. A murderer to her own flesh and blood at that. The residue of the cold metal of the gun still lingered on her hands, the memory of how she had pulled the trigger with no hesitation still stung her eyes. 

She didn’t do it because she hated him. No, she did it for the good of the world… but does that justify her actions? 

What would Kara say?

_ ‘Stop that Lena,’  _ she told herself _ , ‘Who cares what Kara would say. She’s just as much a liar and backstabber as Eve was.’ _

Scratch that, Kara was nothing like Eve. Sure, they had both lied to and betrayed her, but the difference is that _Kara’s intentions were good._

Maybe Kara hadn’t trusted Lena with her secret because she knew deep down Lena was _not_ good. Perhaps the hero knew all along that Lena is rotten and was pretending to be something she could never be. 

_‘Am I evil?’_ Lena asked herself as she stared at Lex’s cold, unmoving body.

A good person wouldn’t have murdered their own brother, they wouldn’t have held a gun to Morgan Edge’s head.  _ A good person would  _ never  _ have even  _ considered  _ taking justice into their own hands. _

Lena Luthor was not good.  _ Lena Luthor was a murderer. _

* * *

 

The youngest Luthor sobbed the entire flight back to National City. How could she not after all that’s happened?

Realizing you’re such an awful person that even your own best friend refused to trust you… it was like a kick in the gut.

How did she manage to get here _ ,  _ was she really that terrible? 

If Kara thought that and didn’t trust the Luthor then why on Earth were they ever even friends? Supergirl had such an intense sense of wrong and right, good and evil, so how could she stand to be around Lena? 

Kara may have been able to keep her alternate identity _a secret,_ but the blonde could never hide when she disliked a person. 

Kara had always taken up for her and protected her, so why, _why didn’t her best friend trust her if not for the fact she thought of her as a bad person?_ What possible reasoning was there to explain this?

Lena had spent years opening up and telling Kara her deepest, darkest fears and truths; all the while, she had been lying straight to Lena’s face.

How could she have kept this a secret?

The entire flight back revolved around that one question.

What was the reasoning? Why did she have to hear it from Lex? Why did Kara continuously lie? What was the point?

Then, as suddenly as the questions and self hatred had arrived, anger set in. 

Supergirl had asked James to spy on her. Supergirl had called her a Luthor in the worst sense. Supergirl is  _ Kara.  _

_ Kara  _ hadn’t trusted her.  _ Kara  _ had asked James to spy on her.  _ Kara  _ had called her a Luthor. It was all Kara.

How dare she? Who gave her the right to pull that self righteous act, telling Lena off for having secrets,  _ especially  _ when she was the one lying. She had the same god complex as her cousin.

She had even asked Kara who she was directly to her face. Lena had given her the perfect opening to tell her, but instead she pulled the Luthor card on her!

What kind of best friend did that? The answer to that was simple: Kara was not her best friend and never had been.

The thought hurt because even through this bitter realization she still loved Kara more than anything. After all this she still loved her, agony and irritation flooded her brain and the Luthor couldn’t think of one valid reason Kara had never told her.

Sure, she had considered a lot of reasons, but none of them justified three years of lies. Lena wanted to hate Kara for this. She wanted to hate her with every fiber in her body, but she knew it was absolutely impossible. Which resulted in Lena immediately replying ‘yes’ to the game night invite _.  _ No matter what, these people were still her family. 

Maybe, _just maybe,_ things would be okay. Yes, she was conflicted and hurt; but she couldn’t possibly throw it all away. What if Kara did have a really good reason for not telling her. What if Kara finally built up the courage to tell her _._ Lena didn’t know if that was the case, but all she could do was hope. Hope was all she had left at this point.

She felt like a fool for still having faith after all the lies, but Kara was too important to her. So she would go spend time with everyone and pretend everything was okay. She just wanted one last night of happiness. She could do that.

Tomorrow, though, the Luthor would rain down hell.

* * *

 

Once her flight touched down in National City, Lena went home and changed into a more casual outfit. She was tired of wearing this suit. It felt dirty,  _ she _ felt dirty _ ,  _ knowing she had taken someone’s life in it. The Luthor didn’t want it anymore, so naturally she tasked one of her men to take the suit and burn it.

She took a deep breath and stared at the ghostly reflection in the mirror. ‘ _You can do this, Lena. It’s just one night. Push everything you’ve learned out of your mind. It will all be okay,’_ she reassured  herself. 

Tomorrow she would confront Kara. Tomorrow she would get her answers. Tonight was about relaxing without worrying the world was going to end. 

She stopped to get some wine for game night under the pretense that everyone always liked to drink on game night, but the twenty-six year old knew it was because she needed it to get through the night without falling apart.

Lena didn’t know if she would be able to face Kara after everything she had learned, but she had to try. 

She took a deep breath before she walking into J’onn’s where her eyes immediately found Kara’s, her heart constricting in her chest and her lungs taking in shallow breaths _.  _ Tears brimmed her eyes as she attempted to keep her cool.

_ ‘Little boxes, little boxes,’  _ she told herself before forcing a smile.

“I didn’t know what to bring so I bought red _and_ white.” She brought out a bottle of wine from behind her and looked at Kara, sweet caped hero Kara who was smiling like there wasn’t a thing wrong in the world. 

Suddenly, a blazing rage filled Lena and she threw the bottle at Kara, watching as her face morphed into shock, catching the bottle a split second before it hit her in the head. That pissed Lena off even more. She couldn’t even have the satisfaction of knocking Kara upside the head with a bottle of wine. 

“What the  _ hell,  _ Lena,” Alex asked in distress.

Lena continued to silently stare at Kara, who was holding the wine bottle in her hand.

“Y-you know Lex used a portal to escape the explosion, right?” She asked trying to keep her voice even. 

“He appeared in a bunker next to our childhood home. I was waiting for him. You see, I knew he would find a way out when it became apparent he was going to lose. So I went there and I patiently waited for him to realize I played him at his own game. Unfortunately for me, he knew I’d be waiting for him, typical Lex to play a game within a game. He thought I was there to help him. How wrong he was.” She paused, giving a teary laugh.

“I shot him, He didn’t think I would. Even I didn’t think I had it in me, but I did,” Lena gritted out through tears. “You see, I knew the world wouldn’t be safe with him in it. But do you know what he did with his dying breath? 

He made sure I knew what an idiot I was. You see, he told me. I had to hear it from someone else and not you,” the Luthor screamed,  her eyes still locked with Kara’s.

Just like that, it was as if everything clicked. 

“Yes, I know. I know the big secret! I know you didn’t trust me enough to tell me. I know what a horrible person you must think I am! Why else wouldn’t you tell me you’re Supergirl?” Her voice was hoarse and her face tear stained, her eyes swollen and red. 

“Lena I--,” Kara choked, this was the first time Lena had ever seen the writer at a loss for words, “Can we go upstairs and speak in private?”

Lena gave a rueful laugh and rolled her eyes before turning and walking upstairs, expecting Kara to follow.

She just sniffled as she flopped down onto a couch in the upstairs portion of the apartment J’onn had stationed his P.I. business out of and sighed as she buried her face into her hands.

This wasn’t how she wanted to start this conversation. Then again _,_ she didn’t mean to blow up in front of everyone.

Kara gently sat down on the other end of the couch, being sure to give Lena space and for that she was thankful. She didn’t know if she could handle Kara being in her personal space right now. 

They were both silent, until Kara finally let out a breath.

“I did try to tell you, you know? On your jet after the explosion. I was going to tell you, but then you started talking about Eve and…I just couldn’t go through with,” Kara whispered.

Lena just gave a mocking laugh and looked straight ahead of her, not even turning in Kara’s direction because she knew if she did she would give in to her overwhelming desire to cry.

“As if that makes it better. As if knowing you had the intention of telling me makes it okay. The whole point is you didn’t tell me, and I had to hear it from someone else. Three years, you had three years, Kara,” she closed her eyes and recollected her thoughts, trying to get a grip on her emotions _.  _ “All that time, and you were going to tell me a few weeks ago.”

Kara looked away from Lena in shame and took a shaky breath as she tried to form something, anything to explain what she was thinking.

“I know. I don’t blame you for being angry with me-,” she started before Lena interrupted.

“Angry? I’m not just angry with you, Kara. I am  _ furious! _ I feel betrayed by you, Kara,” she said in an exasperated tone, “I trusted you more than I’ve ever trusted anyone, and then it turns out you’ve been lying to me. Not to mention everything with Supergirl last year. Knowing that was you, Kara...it breaks my heart.”

Kara took another deep, shaky breath, as tears threatened to run down her face _. _

“I am so sorry I did that, Lena. I honestly have no clue as to why I acted that way. If there is one person in this world that I would trust with kryptonite, it’s you. You are kind and your intentions are always pure _._ I know you would never do anything to intentionally harm another person,” Kara said softly.

“I...I know you said you killed Lex, but you did it for selfless reasons. Knowing you _,_ you’re probably beating yourself up over it, but I don’t blame you, Lena. You knew he had too much power and it was too easy for him to come and go as he pleased. No one is going to judge you for doing that. In all honesty, I wanted to kill him myself; for hurting you, for trying to hurt my family, for everything he has ever done.”

Lena just sighed softly and ran a hand through her hair. 

“That does make me feel better about what I did, but Kara this is about you  _ lying  _ to me. You lied for so long, Kara. Just please...tell me why,” she whispered with wide vulnerable eyes. 

“Is it because I’m a bad person?” She asked brokenly as a tear slowly made its way down her cheek.

“Of course not _, Lena._ God, no. Lena,” Kara whispered in horror as she gently cupped Lena’s cheek and wiped away the tear. “How could you ever think that? You have an honest and kind soul. You are one of the best people on this planet. You _are_ good.” She said with conviction.

“You have such an amazing heart and not a single bad bone in your body. Everything you have ever done is for the good of others. You’re amazing, Lena. _You_ are _my_ hero,” she said as she took her best friend’s hands and squeezed them gently. “I love you, Lena, and it hurts me that you think of yourself this way.”

Kara smiled gently before taking a deep breath and moving away again.

“The reason I never told you,” she began, “is because I’m selfish.”

Lena looked more confused than ever and shook her head. Kara held up a hand and signaled her to wait as she gathered herself and continued speaking.

“You called  _ me  _ me your hero. Just plain old Kara Danvers. You never saw me as Supergirl. You saw me and you accepted me anyways. With you I never had to be strong; I never had to be a superhero. I was  _ me  _ and you were okay with that. With you I could be human,” she whispered with a sad smile, “I guess...that’s all I’ve ever really wanted. Someone who saw me, not the little girl who’s planet died or the superhero, just plain old me; and I loved you for that. I still love you.”

Lena just stared at Kara in awed silence.  _ She  _ was Kara’s hero? Out of all the reasons Lena had concocted, this was certainly not one of them. The fact that Lena was, essentially, Kara’s safe place. That fact alone had all the anger and despair flooding out of her. 

“I forgive you,” she whispered softly and gave her a shy smile before taking a shaky breath, “Now please hold me, because I feel like I’m about to have a mental breakdown.”

Kara immediately had Lena curled up into her lap and was holding her tightly and pet her hair soothingly as Lena started to shake. The last twenty-four hours had been rough on the young Luthor, but at least she had her best friend.

Everything was  _ finally _ okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo how do you guys feel about that? Comment your thoughts below. Also, as of now this is just a one shot but I may come back later and put in how they eventually get together or sum


End file.
